My blog has been dormant for a number of months. This is partly due to non-diabetes related ill health. As anyone with diabetes knows, physical stress can make blood sugar management extra challenging. Being Real People Sick means not only dealing with the symptoms of whatever is ailing you, but also often means chasing BG levels because any sense of pattern that might have existed is completely gone. Sometimes it can take a while for things to get back on an even keel, diabetes-wise, even once you feel physically better.
This was true for me when I first got sick at the beginning of the year. I had no appetite but was still chasing highs that were not carbohydrate related. I was wearing my CGM, and doing lots of finger sticks on top of that. When my GP asked me the ever-awkward question of “how is your diabetes through all this?” My answer was a meaningless “fine, I guess” because I was testing and correcting as necessary so although it required more effort than usual, I wasn’t particularly concerned about it either.
Fast forward almost 3 months and unfortunately I’m still not well. I’ve spent a lot of time in drs offices and having tests done. I’ve had one diagnosis, which may or may not have resolved itself, but still have symptoms that as of yet have no known cause. Is it related to my celiac disease? To my diabetes? Some other autoimmune disease? Something else entirely? Mostly I’m in a lot of pain in my chest and abdomen. Pain is not good for blood sugars. It isn’t good for patience either. And as it has become chronic and I’ve become tired of dealing with it, I’m definitely less on top of the “testing and correcting” than I was as well. I’m tired of not feeling well. I’m tired of not knowing why I don’t feel well.
I’m tired of not being able to do be active because as soon as my heart works harder my insides hurt. That has made a difference in my insulin sensitivity of course too. Between sensitivity changes and physical and emotional stresses I need some major re-calculation of basal rates and insulin to carb ratios. But I’m putting a lot of energy into non-diabetes health for a change and there doesn’t seem to be much energy left to take care of D-management on top of that.
It wasn’t until last night’s #GBDOC tweetchat on blood glucose logging that I realised how much I had slipped on being on top of my diabetes management. I rarely actually log my finger stick BGs but I do usually make an effort to download dexcom data every 2 weeks or so to keep a tab on things and make any necessary adjustments or see where I need to pay closer attention. But last night I checked and my last download was the end of January.
Once again, I am reminded of the powerful force of the diabetes online community. Talking with other PWD, other people who get it, can make the difference between knowing that I’m not doing all that I am capable of at the moment, to realising that I can actually take action and begin to turn things around. There were no specific pep-talks but just being able to share experiences and feel the connection and automatic understanding gave me a huge boost last night.
Today marks 19 years of living with diabetes for me.
Some years I have celebrated how healthy I am despite (and perhaps even in some ways thanks to) diabetes. Other years I just mark the day in some small way.
This year I’m acknowledging both the health and the diabetes burnout that has crept up in these last 3 months. I’m also acknowledging that the difficulty in managing my blood sugar lately is not just because of burnout but also because of physical illness. In other words, the stubborn highs that make insulin seem like water are not.my.fault.
Actively participating in the #DOC has helped me through some rough patches before. Tweetchats and blogging are perhaps just what the doctor should order. In only 24 hours, a tweetchat, a dexcom download, a diaversary and a blog post later, I’m definitely feeling better about being more engaged in my own diabetes. I will try to keep this up tomorrow. 19 years later, one day at a time.